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Spring Gillard
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Finally, Something Light

I’m in the hellish final throes of final report writing and in no mood for posting anything compost-related or in fact anything heavy in nature. And that’s final. Which is why I’m opting (some might call it a cop out) for a light-hearted joke about an environmentalist. I was invited out to a friend’s for Christmas Eve dinner this year and we were all told to bring a small gift (under $5) and a joke so that we could make our own Christmas crackers upon arrival. I brought a little angel ornament, a Ferrero Rocher chocolate (I bought a box, set one aside for the cracker and guess where the rest wound up) and my joke. When we got there, my friend had a table set up with cut up tubes from Christmas paper wrapping (you could use toilet paper rolls), wrapping and ribbon. It was fun. We each then selected a cracker before dinner. When one of the guests opened mine he exclaimed, “Wow, I didn’t get a joke I got a novel.” Spot the writer (although I did not write this, found it on the internet). Anyways, here it is.

An environmentalist dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an environmentalist, you’re in the wrong place.” Thinking that heaven could never make an error, the environmentalist reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the environmentalist gets dissatisfied with the environment in hell and starts implementing eco-friendly improvements. After a while, global warming, air and water pollution are under control. The landscape is covered with grass and plants, the food is organic, and the people are happy. The environmentalist has become a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got clean air and water, the temperature is better and the food tastes better, and there’s no telling what this environmentalist is going to fix next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an environmentalist? That’s a mistake, he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an environmentalist on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

P.S. Doubly funny because my friend the host is a lawyer!

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